JOkeTym :-)

I've received this email long long time ago.  Maybe you haven't seen it yet.  Enjoy!

Boyfriend to Girlfriend, may LQ: What do you take me for?! Granted?
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Guard, answering the telephone: Hello?... Ah yes, for a while. Please hang yourself.
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Starlet in an interview: If the odds are against me, then I will against them.
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Inday Badiday asks a starlet about her mother's burial:
Inday: Kumusta ang libing ng nanay mo?
Starlet: Successful naman po.
***
Army officer to cadet:
Officer: "Do you know why I ask you to stand?"
Cadet: "No, sir."
Officer: "Ok, why?" (anlabo!)
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Teacher to students: Baka gusto nyong ibilad ko kayo sa covered courts.
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Teacher: Class, I want you to watch sex scenes.
Class: What Teacher!???
Teacher: What's wrong? It's a beautiful film starring Bros Welles! (Bruce Willis)
Class: Aah, Sixth Sense!

***
Sa isang examination:
Student: Mam, pwedeng gumamit ng liquid paper?
Teacher: Ang kulit naman! Sinabi nang pad paper lang eh.
***
A reporter interviews a politician about the Philippine economy.
Politician says: Talagang mahirap ang buhay natin ngayon. Pero slow by slow, we will success.
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Teacher: Sorry, class. I'm late. My mother died three years ago. And now she's dead. (Ano daw?!)
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Heard in a fastfood chain:
Yaya: Ma'm, gosto po ni Mark ng KIDNEY MEAL!
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Teacher: What is ur name?
Student: Dell.
Teacher: What is ur old? (maybe she meant how old are you?)
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In a restaurant:
Waiter: Sir, How do you want your egg?
Customer: Side in, side out.
***
Mom interviews her daughter's suitor:
Mom: What's your course?
Suitor: Geo po (for geology).
Mom:! Ahhh... Geo-rnalism. Ok yan. (ok nga!)
***
Guy to Girl: I love you. This is not a ball. ("Hindi ito bola" in English)
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Teacher to students: Okay, form two straight circles and find your height alphabetically!
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Teacher to students: Okay class, it's time to go home. Form a line and pass out slowly.
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Angry teacher to student: I want you to bring your father and your mother, especially your parents, understood?! Bring them tomorrow in front of me, right here, right now!
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Emcee, in a party: The next song is the favorite song of my best friend, and neither do I!
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Posted in an establishment: None ID, nothing entry.
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Teacher: Oy, magdala kayo ng chip ahoy bukas ha.
Student: Miss may "s" yon...
Teacher: Ah, sorry. Chip ahoys!
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Two lousy-in-english friends talking to each other:
Friend 1: Am I raining outside?
Frien! d 2: Not yet. Sprinkle only.
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In an awards night, presentor goes: And the winner for Best Comedy Show
is Okay Ka, Pare Ko! of IBS channel 13. (Ever heard of that?)
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Alma Moreno, in her show introduces Nora Aunor who comes in late:
Finally, please welcome, the late Nora Aunor
*** 

Ciao!!